Anxiety

Disability and illness, Medical health professionals

Everyone seem to think that mindfulness and breathing exercises can cure all sorts of anxiety and sleeping problems. They’re wrong.
For me, the a anxiety sits like a ball in the chest. You know how nervousness sometimes is said to be like butterflies in your stomach? Anxiety is more like a yarn of cockroaches in your chest. Crawling, running, cluttering… Causing your skin to crawl, gives you a feeling of disgust and the flight mechanism kicks in.
You try to breath in calm and breath out anxiety but then you realise; the anxiety is not in your breath, it’s not in the oxygen – it’s in your blood stream. Pumping around in your veins like poison.

I’m frankly quite annoyed with all the mindfulness and breathing, presented as a solution to everyone, regardless of circumstances. I don’t want to be in my body, I don’t want to feel my every detail. Because it all hurts. All of me, every millimetre, hurts. And adding to that, I get spasms. You try focusing on your breath when your body is jerking you around. Not very calming.

So, how do I present this to my new shrink, who had a mindfulness session with me last time?
Cause all health care professionals knows best, and if the patient objects, they are being ”difficult”. I’m already known as that patient I think. Among the nurses and certainly by the occupational therapist, demanding doctor’s appointments and a wheelchair fitted to my needs etc. Must be super annoying to have a patient wanting you to do your job and help them!

Deep, deep sighs…

3 reaktioner på ”Anxiety

  1. I love you for this. Thank you.

    Mindfulness always adds to the horrible hyper-awareness of my body and the outside world. Everything is so bright and painful, why would being more aware of it or more aware of my breathing help me in any way?

    When I’m having a particularly bad time of things, I can smell my own breath and I find it repulsive. I need to disassociate and get away from myself, not get more switched on with my body. I find external visualisation to help me most, being mindful of an imagined place takes me out and away from my shaking body and hyped up awareness to somewhere I can be calm.

    Gillad av 1 person

  2. Mindfulness passar verkligen inte alltid! Jag har en alternativterapeut som säger att en del behöver bara slippa tänka för att ta sig igenom ångest.

    En stor kram till dig och så hoppas jag att du kan få förståelse från terapeut och att du får hjälp som funkar för dig! ❤

    Gillad av 1 person

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